Dialogue II

Just recently I found it. 
It's there.
The large space was inhabited by at least three characters.
This was described to me through special communications.
The communications being art.
This is not an unusual thing, 
like Horselover Fat suffered
with a pink laser to the head.
Then alphabet until failure.
The art as it came to me was about three and a half hours long.
I got bored.
Can't you just say he went here and she went here and then they went there and there and there
and he went there and there and there and that's the end of the story?
But no, you have to draw it out.
She says, do you believe you could write without doing such things?
He says, yes. I believe it's possible.
She says, well what about the suffering?
He says, I don't know yet.
But you don't drink anymore,
and that also seemed impossible.
There may yet be methods to alter ourselves that we do not know.
How can the feeling of the waves be described?
Except having been in the waves and then above the waves,
the smell of salt.
There is a beach you can land on.
When I was half the age I am now,
I couldn't explain these sensations.
Every word is a picture.
But some pictures have no words.
And as you get older and wiser,
like the man fixing my car used to say,
in the space of a year
you can undertake to find some new words.
Then the words can be used regularly,
if that's what concerns you.
Everything inside us is not unlimited.
I've only been here for so long.
There was a beginning.
And before that point I don't remember anything.
Suspension in the egg.
She says, that's why it's important to hold on to my old memories.
He says, like the mud?
She says...
Yes.
He says, well...
She says...
Okay, but hear me out.
He says, got you speaking.
She says, shut up.
uh, the...
The mud.
See, I almost lost it.
He says, I apologize.
She says, the mud.
The mud which surrounds us is the mud of things.
And the things create association.
And the things associated therefore
prevent us from losing this association.
Association is difficult,
that to associate with something
means that you have to take it on as it were.
The thing shapes you.
The things you have
restrict the nature of the person you can be.
The nature of the person you can be is
determined by the shape of the things that surround you.
And this is why it's important not to have too many things.
But! if you don't want to lose your shape,
(which is important in some circumstances)
then you have the option to surround yourself,
and the things will tie you up in that shape.
The shape of the mud that cakes around you.
This was described in Lanark, when the protagonist, 
whose name I cannot remember
surrounds himself in the mud.
Or the shape of the things that came before the life he had before this one.
The shape of the things hardens and creates a shell.
The shell is unpleasant, and as the pressure builds,
will eventually explode.
The process seems to be irreversible once it begins.
But I don't remember how the movie ended.
Did he explode?
I don't think so.
I got bored about halfway through
and saw that I had to go be somewhere else.
Where? There is nowhere.
He says, yeah, I'm sorry, that's my problem.
She says, so I don't remember how the book ended.
But the shape of the things - 
I'm not making a good case for it, am I?
I'm saying this is how things are.
That I want to be smothered in the things,
the physical part of the world.
He says, yeah.
She says, in the mental part of the world,
you have the constant possibility of things deserting you or changing.
And I don't like that.
And I know you do, but the things, uh, changing,
is a great pain to the physical securities of the world.
Regular showers,
hot breakfast two days a week.
To have these things taken away...
The physical self exists.
You cannot say it does not,
you think it exists more than the mental self does.
It must be respected.
And that is the pain I feel
when I have to talk to you on the phone.
It was hard to start.
And I have to work through this machine.
So this machine is important to me in a way you can understand.
Anyway, where were we?
The shape of the things,
and the shape of the mud,
and the physical embodiment of the shape of the mud was,
...
it's hard to lose these things.